Externals vs the Inner Life of Christ

Looking back over my walk with Jesus, I just saw something today about myself.

Its my thought that there seems to be two groups of people following after Jesus. We all are at one time or another - in either of these groups.

There are those who are - or were - constantly interested mainly in the externals of following Jesus (such as the miracles, & the many external aspects of being a Christian, when -where - how - etc, - the blessings of perhaps being a Christian and how to obtain them, whatever externals they value .)

... and then there are those who are primarily interested in the internal life of Christ (Christ in you or more precisely: the union that we have with Christ ) more so than they are in the externals, though they would have at one time or another been external. Perhaps a better way to say this would be that they have graduated from being primarily externally focused to being mainly aware of the internal or inner life within or union they have with Christ, and the transformation that is taking place.

Now I have to say that I learned very quickly the externals of religion. They are very easy to obtain, and I was very easily able to find many people who would instruct me exactly on what those externals were. But the interesting thing was, most of these people including myself at one time, were not really interesting in fellowship around Christ, just fellowship around all the externals.

But graduating to internal or inner life was not so easy to grasp.Because of all the focus on the externals for one thing. But once you become of aware of the internal, you are less comfortable with all the externals because the Holy Spirit is working within you and you are very often 'uncomfortable' because you find the externals shallow compared to Christ in you. I still tried to go along with all the externals/external focus and remain in that place, but the problem was I had to pretend that everything was fine & dandy with the inner life, (because of all the externals) but in reality it was a desperate struggle at most times. And no one else (either had any struggles ) or else they weren't aware of it.

For myself, I have to say as of now, I have so little interest in the externals. I am more interested in the internal life of Christ, in myself, and in others. It is what I look for and love to find in someone else. The hunger for Christ and the beautiful presence of His Spirit deep inside of them. You know, someone softly broken over their sin and wanting so much to be transformed and changed from the inside out. But as far as the externals in my life go (or lack of interest in them) I believe and hope that if the inner life of Christ is transforming me, then the externals will correspond and change. As the Spirit works it all out from the inside.