I would really like to urge whoever is out there and happens to be reading this, to read Jeff's post on Love Thinketh No Evil.
I am really frustrated for a few days over the counsels given to a friend who is and has lived a whole life in an abusive environment.
It seems the counsel 'of choice' these days from Christian camp is to counsel another person to stay in abusive relationships. This advice they say comes right from the heart of Father and to prove so, they can snap out some handy dandy verses out of context to prove so. This is so heartbreaking.
Sadly due perhaps to our fallen nature, bruised wounded broken people, as vulnerable as they are, gravitate towards this type of counsel very easily, as they perceive God as on some sort of mission to teach them the lessons and life long if necessary. They twist the meaning of the Cross and the true nature and character of God while doing so. I know of people who have lived all their lives at the hands of an abuser, or for the most part of their life; meaning their view of God and their ability to connect with His heart remains severely impaired and broken year after year.
May Christ leads His people into the Truth and set them free!
The Noise of Strangers
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Welcome to another Thursday UNFILTERED blog post, the only blog that thinks
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1 John 13:7, "endures all things."
With regard to "all things".........we must keep this in context because it means within "GOD'S RIGHTEOUNESS AND GRACIOUS WILL" !!! LOVE protects (opposite of abuse), believes, hopes, and endures what others reject.
It's a shame that any spouse would suffer abuse "once" but it should never be allowed the second time. You do not want to know my thoughts on child abuse!
Ike, I think u meant 1 Cor. 13:7
I agree if God's love is in us, it's my experience that we will truly be enduring, and we will be long suffering with all others, even those who hurt us. Because love always wants the best for others, HOPES, even for those who hurt us.
I am glad Ruth that you and Jeff wrote about this subject.
I grew up in a home with domestic violence. My mom was raised Catholic and her family always told her that she could not leave my dad or she would go to hell. My mom had already separated herself as a young adult from her religion, but she had a hard time separating herself from my dad due to all the negative counsel she got. It was as if all the responsibilty was put on her to make my dad change. That never happened and eventually, years later, my mom finally left my dad, and us kids, without warning one day.
As an adult, I also went through what my mom did. I got involved with a church as a young adult and they knew I was in an abusive situation. So, they felt they needed to give my ex and I marriage counseling. That didn't help at all and eventually my situation became worse. The church still refused to see it for what it was...domestic violence. They refused to cousel me to leave my abuser because they said that they do not condone divorce. So I had to make a decision and I chose to leave my abuser. I got a restraining order against him and I moved 300 miles away. I moved because of the threats he had made against me, and I knew he would act on those.
A part of me for a while wondered if I was going against God's word and I struggled with that for a long time. Mainly because of all the negative things I was told and how scripture was used against me to make me stay.
There are so many out there who are in abusive situations that are looking to the Faith community for help. I was one of them and I was so crushed in my heart when I found it wasn't there. I am talking about the emotional support and understanding that someone needs to get through this and to have someone who can be there with them when they are ready to take their first steps to get free from the situation.
My heart hurts for all those who are still in these situations who feel that this is what God wants for them, who feel that they somehow deserve this, who feel that they have to stick it out no matter what, because that is what they have been told.
Everyone out there who is suffering from abuse needs to be told that abuse is wrong, it is not your fault, you do not deserve to be abused, you deserve to be protected, God does not condone abuse, and most of all, God will not abandon you.
Hi Jamey,
Thank you for visiting, and thank you for sharing your life with me. I am sure you are a source of hope for many because of the courage you have found to find healing in HIM.
It must have been hard to understand when your mom left. I can see how that could happen, particularily as you have said, when all the responsibility is often MISplaced on the most vulnerable one, the one being abused, to be the one who primarily carries the responsiblity to change. (according to religious people) And of course, the assumption is not far from that to assume when the 'abuser' doesn't change, that the abused person, is the one at fault, for not trying hard enough or doing something wrong or not being patient enough, on and on the list goes. It is truly truly heartbreaking, and words can't describe that people carry in their hearts because of this. Well it does break Father's heart and wrenches mine that the church puts this on fragile broken suffering people.
Broken people (as we all are) look to those with faith for guidance and what they often get based upon 'scripture' is to counsel them to 'stay'. Why can't people just sometimes listen, why do they feel like they have or should have the right religious answer?
Truly no one deserves to be abused yet our world is full of abuse. My heart also hurts for those who are desperate in these situations and who feel like God would have them endure it. And for those who will spend their life in these situations because God wants them too.
I can certainly understand how difficult it must have been for you to not only leave, but to be able to sort through the the negative emotion and understanding you had about God, and scripture around that. How are you doing now? It's a difficult recovery ( aprocess) but He is committed to us, I pray that Father has led you to another or others who have taken the time to TRULY LISTEN!!
God bless you Jamey.
Ruth
Commenting on Luke 17:3 ("If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him"), John Stott, Confess Your Sins: The Way of Reconciliation, page 35, writes:
"We are to rebuke a brother if he sins against us; we are to forgive him if he repents -- and only if he repents. We must beware of cheapening forgiveness. . . . If a brother who has sinned against us refuses to repent, we should not forgive him. Does this startle you? It is what Jesus taught. . . . 'Forgiveness' includes restoration to fellowship. If we can restore to full and intimate fellowship with ourselves a sinning and unrepentant brother, we reveal not the depth of our love but its shallowness."
Hi Ike
I have thought about that before . But it is our prayer (because our heart is in such a state of willingness, readiness, eagerness to forgive) that we prayyyyyy that our brother would see his sin, and how it has impacted the other and be willing to seek out the forgivness of the (person) wronged. I think the key is our heart - being in a constant state of mercy ; a state of a desire to completely forgive and see that person restored ... thanks ike , ruth
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